I guess, today I feel totally clueless.
I am pedantic to the point of extreme.
I need to have plan A, B, C, D...before I do something.
Walking away from 17 years of marriage doesn't give you a chance to have a plan A, let alone a plan B.
Why am I walking away?
I wish there was an easy answer.
I got married at the age of 22.
It was an arranged marriage, No one really pointed a gun to my head and said you must marry this guy. I made that choice.
At 22, my requirements were a mix of childhood fantasies gathered from reading too much Mills and Boon and a post teenage confidence (wasn't that a mix of delusion and hallucination) that made me think I can do it, I can make it work!
At 22, i had already graduated from University. I was ready to face the world. I had the knowledge and the skills and all I needed was a partner. someone to love, someone to share the good, the bad and the ugly..
But I still had a list.
I remember reading somewhere that 'it is better to be an old man's darling than a young man's slave'
So I was looking for an older guy.
I hated the typical Malayalee attitudes(read MCP) and ego that one find commonly among those who studied in Kerala.
So I was looking for someone who studied outside Kerala
I did hope that the guy I marry will not ask for dowry. I wasn't a cattle in the market to be sold.. and I didn't want my parents to pay money and buy me a husband.
So the list was ready and the hunt began.. FInding Mr. Suitable
No, that was not a choice. That was a set up. Not just Desi culture but Mills and Boons set you up for this. You, me and many more have married for all the wrong reasons. We thought we made a choice but give me a break. 22 years of bombardment of messages, "Women ultimately have to get married," "Even a king can not keep his daughter in his home," "all women want to be married and protected by men," "marriage completes you," blah blah...
ReplyDeleteYou were conditioned to think marriage was the only thing women were ought to do. Did any one tell you being single or being in a live-in relationship was an option?? :) or just being happy with yourself...
Again two math phobics or science lovers one needs better reasons to be married and siring children with someone. No body taught us that in our degree programs. This is what I learned after my failed marriage. http://girlsguidetosurvival.wordpress.com/ask-before-marrying/
Every relationship has an expiry date. Some expire sooner others endure and die a painful death and very very few make it to the end. So what if it didn't work out. Your needs were not being met. It is going to be difficult nobody said it will be easy but it is not impossible. Many have done it before us so we'll do it too.
Keep writing. I see you leading number of young women and women our age to break free from those dungeons called marriage, that trapped us by showing us those silver lined dreams. They did Good PR to sell marriage towomen like us.
I support you and send you warm wishes,
Peace,
Desi Girl